Limits
by trollnexus
Summary: It was very hard to be a human, sometimes. Limits seemed to be a given. Once, just once, Charlie wished he could head for the sky.


**Title: **Limits

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing, I make no money from this, etc. Welcome to FanFiction.

**Pairings:** Absolutely none, unless you count the really tiny snippet of Bill/Fleur in here.

**Rating:** K+. Nobody even kisses or anything here, and I'm pretty sure little kids know how to say "hell."

**Warnings:** Asexual!Charlie, background Animagus!Charlie. (In case those are actual Things Some People Cannot Stand.)

**Summary:** It was very hard to be a human, sometimes. Limits seemed to be a given. Once, just once, Charlie wished he could head for the sky.

**Word Count**: 3,035 as long as you ignore all the blathering in my A/N. Slightly over the 3000 limit, but 50-word leeway, right? *puppy eyes*

**Author's Note:** This is my entry for Round 5 of the Quidditch Fanfiction Competition.

Prompts: Slate, Forgetful

This is pretty much a glimpse into Charlie's tension between being an individual and being a Weasley.

I have decided to go with JKR's characterisation of him as being asexual (at least, according to her words outside of the books). Disappointing from a slash writer like me, I know, but I rather like him that way. It's so rare for characters to be canonically asexual, so I'm not giving that up no matter how hot it would be to pair him up with someone.

I believe that not everyone _needs_ to get married, you know? Some people are happier with several relationships, some are happy with purely non-sexual relationships, and some don't want relationships at all, and not every single character has to hook up with their one true love and live happily ever after and have sex and children.

Anyway, on with the story!

* * *

Charlie Weasley stifled a yawn. He was at yet another Weasley wedding, this time celebrating the marriage of Percy to a woman named Audrey. Charlie didn't know her that well, but he was sure this marked a happy occasion nonetheless, so yawning would be very rude.

Of course, Charlie was not shy to the label of "rude." After all, even now, he sported long hair and wore a set of sleeveless robes, showing off his hard-earned muscles and the gorgeous dragon tattoo (of course) that Bill had given him as a birthday present. This was hardly how he should have dressed for a wedding, but he had been to so many of these things, so he was done with pretending to be traditional. Besides, even prim and proper Percy knew better than to pick a fight with him over his attire, especially since Charlie was older and could probably beat Percy in both physical and magical strength.

But still. Yawning was a bit _too_ rude. He didn't want Percy to be angry at his own wedding, and it wasn't like he _hated_ him or anything—he adored him, actually, as much as one could adore a bratty little brother that seemed to have no sense of humour. So he clamped his mouth shut and tried to concentrate on his speech, which was bound to be boring.

"Family, friends, esteemed guests…today is a happy day in my life, the start of many more happy days to come, yet I am not delusional enough to think that I am the only one with cause to celebrate today. No, no, _everyone_ should celebrate. Do you know why?" Here he paused dramatically.

"Just tell us why so we can get the show on the road, Perce!" shouted George in the silence.

Percy ignored this. "Even though we have all gone through war, death, and the destruction of everything we ever believed in, we are gathered here today and on all other wedding days to reconstruct our society from the ashes. Yes, we have cried, and yes, we have suffered, but today, we can laugh and sing and begin anew! Today, I stand here next to the most beautiful woman I have ever met, holding up a clean slate, and I'm going to write in it!"

Charlie raised his eyebrows and nudged Bill, who was snickering next to him as they both watched Percy sway and hoot. "Is he drunk?" He hoped so. Suddenly the urge to yawn had evaporated.

"Definitely. He was _so_ nervous about this wedding, and can you blame him? Mum has been driving him nuts throughout the whole preparation process, and now he has finally lost it. Pay attention; we'll _definitely_ want this memory for blackmailing purposes. I'm so glad _I _managed to keep my sanity at _my_ wedding, or Fleur would have killed me."

"I heard zat," snapped Fleur, who was next to him, and Bill grinned at her, patting her cheek affectionately. Charlie rolled his eyes and turned back to his inebriated brother, who was now being dragged off the stage by their very irate mother. Audrey, now the newest Mrs Weasley, was covering her face and laughing.

Their father leapt onto the stage, grinning. "I think it's time to cut the cake!"

The audience cheered, and Charlie joined them in fighting over who would get the first piece after the bride and groom.

* * *

It was only later, when Charlie was busy dodging his mother on the pretence of cleaning up after the reception, that he thought back on Percy's speech and pondered what it meant. Sure, he had said it whilst drunk, but he had probably put a lot of thought into it when he was sober. A "clean slate." Was this wedding really a clean slate? What the hell did that mean, anyway?

Charlie waved his wand and Vanished some of the confetti while Bill disposed of the balloons. Was it possible to Vanish Percy's past in the same way?

He shook his head. There was no way. No matter what Percy said, he still had a past. He was still the one who had sided with the Minister back when the Ministry was corrupt and cowardly, and he was still the one who had fought with Dad and nearly tore the family apart. Sure, everyone was cheerful and laughing today, but they did that with the awareness of the past still in their heads, and if they appreciated Percy's drunken speech, it was only in opposition to all his sober speeches in the past.

Maybe this was a new slate, but the old slate was still there. You could not dispose of it or make people forget it ever existed. That was the problem, really. The old slates weighed you down, and it was hard to enjoy the shiny new slate when you were struggling to breathe.

He sighed, grabbing one of the balloons from Bill's hands and popping it. At least he could leave soon, once the clean-up was over. He couldn't wait to get back to his dragons.

* * *

Dragons were beautiful, thought Charlie, even as he dodged yet another stream of fire. Dangerous, yes, but beautiful. They were fierce, powerful, and unapologetic, and they did not judge him for any of his lifestyle choices, instead judging him from the way he treated them, which was only fair.

In fact, he wished everyone else would do the same. Why should his mum care whether or not he got married? Why couldn't she just appreciate him for his visits and his letters and his gifts at Christmas? He wished she would stop harping on about marriage and grandchildren. It was never going to happen.

He waved his wand and shot out a lasso of flame, reining in the distraught dragon, not wanting her to fly too out of bounds. There was nothing for her out there, nothing but pain and misery and persecution, just because she was a dragon and happened to breathe fire.

In his honest opinion, he wished he could just set all the dragons free, consequences be damned, but that thought was more controversial than the way he dressed, and he had to have _some_ limits.

It was very hard to be a human, sometimes. Limits seemed to be a given. Once, just once, he wished he could head for the sky.

* * *

"_Incendio_," he hissed at the newest pile of letters from his family, and he watched the flames consume the papers with a roaring sense of satisfaction. Once the excitement of Percy's wedding had died down, they were all eager for him to be the next groom.

Why didn't they understand? He didn't _want_ to be married. There was no point in forcing himself into a marriage when he had thus far failed to be attracted to anyone. Ron had even had the nerve to suggest that maybe Charlie was _gay_, and that infuriated him more than anything. There was nothing wrong with being gay, of course, but how could he just _assume_ like that and offer "sympathy"? He didn't want sympathy for something that wasn't true!

He paced his room, suddenly feeling that the four walls around him were too constricting, too close to his skin. He eyed his broom, which sat in a corner. Should he fly? He moved over to it eagerly, but he stubbed his toe on the corner of his bed and tripped.

"Damn it," he growled as he ate the floor and caused several books to fall off his shelves. One of the books had the nerve to fall on his head, adding to his agony.

He gripped it and yanked it off, cussing some more before the title caught his eye.

_How to Become an Animagus_, by Falco Aesalon, translated by Iliana Hoffmann.

Huh. When the hell did he ever acquire this book? Perhaps it was some gift from Hermione that he had tossed aside as irrelevant to his work?

He flipped through the pages, gauging the reading difficulty, and decided that it was probably doable if he sat still long enough.

Maybe he was tired of being a Weasley. Maybe he would like a break from time to time.

* * *

He spent the next five months trying to become an Animagus in secret. Well, he would definitely register with the Ministry once he got it to work, of course, since nothing was worth time in Azkaban, but for now, he didn't want a single soul to know. It was his secret little project, the only thing keeping him sane whenever his family tried to reach out their tendrils towards him.

He still went to work and took care of his dragons, and that was still his priority, but whenever he could get a snippet of free time, he devoted himself to the study of the book.

During this time period, he occasionally attended family events such as birthdays and celebrations of job promotions, that sort of thing. He sat there and endured his family's attempts to hook him up with someone, skilfully sidestepping the issue through evasions and subject changes. No, he was not interested in Katie Bell, but had they heard about the discovery of a new dragon egg fossil? If resurrected, a new dragon could be born, and then—

At that point, their eyes would glaze over, and they would drift off towards the newest baby and coo over him or her.

It was alright that they thought he was a bit daft and obsessed with his work. He could live with that. It was less alright that they felt sorry for him, but he could live with that, too. Soon, he would accomplish a way to break out of his Weasley identity, and then he could be even farther from them than Romania was from England.

At night, he dreamt of flying high in the sky, leaving behind a trail of flame. He would like to watch the world burn behind him. He would like to know what it was like to free himself from its clutches.

* * *

Today was the day. He stood in an open field behind his house, for he had no idea what animal he would transform into. The book had said that there was no way of telling. He hoped he wouldn't turn into a naked mole rat, but anything was possible.

He closed his eyes and cleared his mind. It was time to let go of humanity, even if it was only for a few moments. He was not Charlie Weasley anymore. He was going to be something else, something beautiful and beyond himself.

Then he pushed himself out of his body, pushed the past behind him, ready to be reborn.

To his surprise, he found himself shrinking, his torso and head contracting and his arms and legs getting thinner, and something started growing out every square inch of his skin. He forced himself not to panic, for the book had said panic could be very detrimental, but gods, it was scary.

Finally, he felt his body settling into its new shape, and he opened his eyes.

The world seemed much larger, and his sense of hearing was much sharper now. He opened his mouth, only to realise it had become a beak.

"What the hell!" he gasped, but instead of a squawk, he was pleasantly surprised to hear a gentle warble.

He flapped his arms, which were now wings, and swivelled his shrunken head to look at them. They were red and gold! He warbled again, happy to be wearing Gryffindor colours. Then he twisted his left wing closer, and he noticed a few blackened feathers that formed a tiny dragon, just like his tattoo.

He jumped up in the air, wanting to fly in order to celebrate this transformation, but he yelped as his whole body elongated and became human again, falling onto the ground.

"Well, then," he said with grass in his mouth. "Guess I need to practice. But what a good start!" He jumped up and released a loud whoop, pumping his fist into the sky.

* * *

After that, he practiced his new transformation every day, and he discovered that his Animagus form was actually a phoenix, rather like Dumbledore's beloved Fawkes. He wondered if his form would go through the stages of birth and rebirth like a real phoenix, and he wondered if his tears would also have healing properties, but that was probably something he could figure out later. For now, he glibly registered with the Ministry and enjoyed the fruits of his labour.

Work was even more fantastic now, for he was immune to flame. Whenever one of his dragons got too agitated, he simply transformed and flew up to them fearlessly, communicating in his own way, and they began to respect him more.

To be honest, he had kind of been hoping that he would turn into one of them in order to understand them better, but he realised that maybe they wouldn't have liked that, anyway. No one liked it when you assumed you knew them inside-out, not even dragons. As a phoenix, he was able to speak their language while still respecting their boundaries, their differences.

It was too bad he couldn't do the same with his family, he thought, as he opened his front door one day to find Bill standing there, his face grimly set.

* * *

"Why didn't you tell us, Charlie? Why did we have to find out about this _huge_ decision from Percy, who happened to see the updated Animagus register?"

"I can't believe you came all the way to Romania just to yell at me, Bill. I thought you had better things to do."

"Nothing is more important to me than _family_, which is something _you_ should emulate."

Charlie threw up his arms. "I don't _want_ to emulate you or the rest of this family! I don't want to be like any of you! You all want me to be like you, and I am sick of it! I moved away for a _reason_."

Bill regarded him in silence, and Charlie counted the ticks of his wall clock.

"Okay," he said finally. "Do you realise how selfish and deliberately forgetful you are being right now? Do you not care about all the sacrifices Mum and Dad made just so you could finish your education? Do you just want to go ahead and denounce the Weasley name and fly off into the sky with your fancy feathers and forget about us, is that it?"

"It's not like that and you know it!"

"Then why don't you ever answer our letters?"

"Because you never _say_ anything in your letters anymore except nag me to get married! You never ask how I'm doing or tell me anything about how you guys are doing! It's just, 'When are you going to find yourself a wife, Charlie?' and, 'Are you gay, Charlie? It's okay if you are as long as you get married to your boyfriend and adopt a child.' Why can't you guys stop harping on something I already _said_ I won't consider right now? It's like you don't see me as a human being at all! It's like you just see me as an extension of this damn Weasley family, only there to breed more Weasleys!"

Before Bill could say anything further, Charlie opened the window and flew out, soaring towards the sunlight.

* * *

As he flew, singing the saddest song he knew, he realised that his heart still felt heavy. No matter how high he rose, he was still weighed down by his past, his family, and his identity as Charlie Weasley. Becoming an Animagus had improved his work experience, but it had done nothing to resolve any of his other issues.

He spread his wings and made a perfect arc in the sky, letting the sunlight reflect off his gold-laced wings as he looped back towards home. He knew he would go back to Bill and apologise. Animagus form or not, he was still human inside, and the human part of him could never forget his family.

* * *

Sure enough, when he flew back into his house, Bill was still there, sitting on Charlie's couch with his head in his hands.

When Charlie transformed back into his human form, Bill leapt up and pulled him into a crushing hug.

"You _idiot_," he snarled savagely. "If you were so upset from all our letters, why didn't you _say_ anything? We thought you were lonely and needed help! We thought the reason why you were so despondent at all the weddings was because you were jealous!"

Charlie laughed humourlessly. "I am complete! I don't need someone to complete me!"

"We never thought you were incomplete!"

"It sure didn't feel that way!"

"You should have said something! It doesn't have to be us against you!"

After that, Bill released him from his embrace and offered to make dinner, and then they talked well into the night, never ceasing until they both fell asleep in the light of early morning.

* * *

Today was Mum's birthday, and Charlie sat at the dinner table with his ever-growing family, laughing and joining everyone as they teased Percy about the excitement of expecting his first child.

After the presents were opened and the cake was eaten, Charlie got ready to leave, thinking that there was nothing left to do or say, but his mum reached out and touched his shoulder.

"Charlie," she said, smiling at him, and he swallowed nervously. Was she going to ask about his love life? Surely Bill had told everyone about their conversation. He didn't want another argument.

"Yes, Mum?"

"I heard about your new Animagus form. Would you…would you mind showing it to me?"

He relaxed and smiled back. He had never seen her look so shy before. "I wouldn't mind at all."

With that, he leapt into the sky and spread his wings, proudly showing off for his family, singing in delight as they whistled and shouted in approval.

Maybe it wasn't possible for them to completely understand him, but they were finally respecting his decisions, and he could feel all the weight falling away.


End file.
